Last week I had a conversation with some of my eighth
graders about ladyboys; they wanted to know if we have ladyboys in America. We
reached a bit of a language impasse when I tried to explain that we have a
whole LGBT community in the States, but we don’t necessarily have a direct
equivalent to ladyboys.
Widely accepted in Thai culture is the “katoi” or ladyboy lifestyle.
Ladyboys are extremely effeminate boys and men who want to be women, or according
to my students, “boy and girl in one.” Were they in America, many ladyboys would
probably just be flamingly gay (think Kurt on Glee).Thai standards are a bit different though. They like men, but
they don’t consider themselves to be gay because they identify more closely
with women. And they, therefore, want to become women.
Thailand, as a whole, is incredibly comfortable and
nonjudgmental about sexual orientation. Back in America, we have parades and
prides and protests about who you are allowed to love. On both sides of the
debate, insults are hurled, assumptions are made, and rights are fought over.
In Thailand’s attitude toward sexual identity, as in all things, the “sabai
sabai” outlook is dominant. It’s not something to fight over because people
are who they are.
Roughly ten percent of the fifth and sixth grade boys at our
school already openly identify themselves as ladyboys. Not that they could hide
it very easily. They shake, shimmy, and dance better (and more provocatively) than any of the
girls, and they have mastered the art of french braids and makeup better than I ever will. During school events where the students are allowed to wear their street clothes, many of the ladyboys show up in full drag -- sexy dress, wig, makeup and heels.
On the other end of the spectrum are the Thai lesbians. Also already out of the closet by fifth and sixth grade, are the more masculine lesbians, or “toms”. Around seventh grade, many of the toms start wearing their hair shorter. Much like ladyboys identify with females, toms act in a more manly fashion. Toms do not date other toms, they have girlfriends, called “dees”. A dee, typically bisexual, might be dating a tom, and might date men at other times.
I truly appreciate how accepting the Thais are when it comes
to sexuality. Anyone is allowed to love whoever they choose. However, my one
criticism is that, unless it falls into specific categories, they don’t really
talk about it. Gay men, for example, not as blatantly obvious or fabulously loud as ladyboys,
are a largely overlooked segment of Thai society. And what if two lesbians
happen to both be feminine rather than butch? The Thais, for all their
open-mindedness, seem to only be open to certain configurations.
No matter the flaws in the national outlook on sexuality, there is something spectacular about a society in which
a sixth grader has enough love and support to already be confident in who he or
she is and to proudly announce having a crush on someone of the same sex.
