Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Open Water

  

I wanted to be able to share a harrowing story about conquering fear. I wanted to tell everyone my aquatic rags to riches story, the story of going from a non-swimmer to a scuba diver over the course of several years. I had truly wanted that to be how the story played out. But, just because something makes a beautiful narrative doesn’t mean it will come perfectly to fruition. Life’s not like that.



This is instead a story of surrender for some and triumph for others.

In 2010, lifejacket cinched and snorkel in place, I went into the ocean off Koh Tao knowing full well that I’d never really learned to swim and came out moments later in complete panic. Several attempts in calmer water later and I was, well not happy and content in the water, but more capable of being less panicked and enjoying the view of fish.



After several years, I have grown far more comfortable in water. Sure I still hold my nose if I go underwater, but wearing fins doesn’t feel quite so much like some sea monster is trying to drag me to a watery grave and breathing through a snorkel was moderately less claustrophobic.

Surely that’s a good enough base to go for a SCUBA diving course.



Armed with the knowledge of how far I’d come, I was ready to give it a go. I assumed that, even if I wasn’t a perfectly strong swimmer, at least the knowledge and know-how of taking a course, the technical information about the equipment, and the guiding hand of a competent instructor in a small group setting would readily combine to make for an easy, fun diving experience.

And it did. In the classroom.


We then went out on a boat, got all SCUBA suited up, leapt into the water, and I learned several things about myself.  The most relevant of which was this: I hate being underwater. Everything about it felt unnatural.


After swimming into the shallow cove for our confined introductory session, we started with some basics. But even the most basic of the basics, such as breathing through the regulator facedown or sitting underwater with no more than a foot of water overhead, were absolutely, excruciatingly panic-inducing for me. Try as I might, and I did try, repeatedly, I just could not force myself to stay underwater.



I don’t know if you’ve ever felt the slow, suffocating grip of panic winding its way around our ribcage, twisting its fingers around your throat, but I’ll tell you this it’s not pleasant. Our instructor was kind and encouraging. Win was patient and helpful. But it just wasn’t happening. Much like my first time snorkeling, the day ended with me in tears, stress smoking on a boat.

Now, to the dive school’s credit, they then offered to do a one-on-one session to try again. Of course, to me this sounded like torture. Especially because once you get past the being fine breathing underwater part, you get to practice things like losing your breathy bit and taking off your mask. It’s like a course that was built to make me cry.



So, I quit. As much as I hate to admit defeat, and as far as I try to push my boundaries, I had reached my limit. I know I missed out on seeing some beautiful things, and I hear that feeling weightless is incredible. But a 4-day learning curve just wasn’t going to get me to that level of comfort with being underwater.


And that is the story of how Win got SCUBA certified and I spent two days reading on the beach.